A tale of terror
Posted by Greyfox | Posted in Lord of the Rings reference, tale of woe, Toilets, Urinating | Posted on 13:13
There is something gravely wrong with the world. We have flown to the moon. We have unlocked the power of the atom. We have created computers faster then anything we've ever thought imaginable. Information is the touch of a button away. But yet, there is much wrong in the world.
Read along if your appetite has been whetted.
Let me take you through a scenario. Imagine you're me, or any guy really. You're deep in slumber, you're warm, you're happy, everything is clean and nice, then blam, it's 3 in the morning and you have to fucking pee. You're like dammit I can hold it. You're always such a stubborn bastard aren't you? Don't you realize that by simply getting up and going right away you've just saved yourself that half hour of torture you're planning on giving yourself and made up on sleep time.
Anyways, you get up, half asleep after finally deciding it's time to go. Stumble down the hall to the bathroom in your sleepy bizzaro world, made even more odd due to the fact that you're in Bosnia. You get into a stall, which is uphaullingly dirty because people are terrible and must hate themselves because they obviously want to live in such filthy ass conditions, when all they have to due is fucking clean up after themselves........AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Okay, sorry, now on to the main point. You've unzipped, you're standing there, you release the pressure from your hose, ahhhhhh relief. BUT WHAT! WHATS THIS!!!!! Fucking water and/or urine has splashed back from the toilet or urinal back at you and a tiny most uncomfortable wet droplet of said substance is now on your leg.
Fucking seriously! Why is it that we don't have urinals that are splash proof. There is nothing so disheartening in life to me as to have another man's urine particles splash back onto my bare legs after going to the bathroom in the middle of the night (especially when one is deployed cause who knows whose piss it is.)
Some urinals I've heard of have a sticker. They have a magical sticker. This sticker/marking/target/whatever you want to call it is the target area for you to pee so that the angle is such that there will be no urine bouncing back. Eureka! Fucking Brilliant!
It's so simple, I mean I eventually find that sweet spot in toilets/urinals so that no pee bounces back, but there's too much time spent trying to find it. Fucking thank the Lord of the Toilet Rings someone out there has addressed this travesty. Let's just hope the rest of the world catches on. Fuck world hunger, this is big.
Read along if your appetite has been whetted.
Let me take you through a scenario. Imagine you're me, or any guy really. You're deep in slumber, you're warm, you're happy, everything is clean and nice, then blam, it's 3 in the morning and you have to fucking pee. You're like dammit I can hold it. You're always such a stubborn bastard aren't you? Don't you realize that by simply getting up and going right away you've just saved yourself that half hour of torture you're planning on giving yourself and made up on sleep time.
Anyways, you get up, half asleep after finally deciding it's time to go. Stumble down the hall to the bathroom in your sleepy bizzaro world, made even more odd due to the fact that you're in Bosnia. You get into a stall, which is uphaullingly dirty because people are terrible and must hate themselves because they obviously want to live in such filthy ass conditions, when all they have to due is fucking clean up after themselves........AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Okay, sorry, now on to the main point. You've unzipped, you're standing there, you release the pressure from your hose, ahhhhhh relief. BUT WHAT! WHATS THIS!!!!! Fucking water and/or urine has splashed back from the toilet or urinal back at you and a tiny most uncomfortable wet droplet of said substance is now on your leg.
Fucking seriously! Why is it that we don't have urinals that are splash proof. There is nothing so disheartening in life to me as to have another man's urine particles splash back onto my bare legs after going to the bathroom in the middle of the night (especially when one is deployed cause who knows whose piss it is.)
Some urinals I've heard of have a sticker. They have a magical sticker. This sticker/marking/target/whatever you want to call it is the target area for you to pee so that the angle is such that there will be no urine bouncing back. Eureka! Fucking Brilliant!
It's so simple, I mean I eventually find that sweet spot in toilets/urinals so that no pee bounces back, but there's too much time spent trying to find it. Fucking thank the Lord of the Toilet Rings someone out there has addressed this travesty. Let's just hope the rest of the world catches on. Fuck world hunger, this is big.
I just want the damn toilet to actually flush itself when it's supposed to.