You Don't Have a Daughter

*note* If some of these pics don't work, these websites are SERIOUS haters. They all worked just fine for three days, and now I'm seeing issues just prior to posting. Ghey.

Ahh, Christina Ricci. I've been in love with her big-headed ass since the first Addams Family movie, when she suggested roasting Girl Scouts to create their famous cookies. Come to think of it, I wouldn't mind slathering some chocolate and caramel on top of that coconut cookie ... Yet I digress. She was off the list for a while, and then I saw her humongous blonde dome in Sleepy Hollow and fell in love all over again - and this time I had some nice moo-moos pouring out of the top of her dress for me to fap to.

Now back in the mid-90's, there used to be a tv show on Nickelodeon (back when they had good tv shows) that was called "All That." Great show. Sketch comedy for pre-teens. Some of my best memories are of turning on the VCR (because I was overseas - fuck a cable box!) and dreaming about future fap sessions to little Alisa Reyes. I also had an urging for little Katrina Johnson, but it was tough finding pics of her. Perhaps it's because Alisa is hotter. Rather than corrupting this post with pics of 11-year olds, we'll just fast-forward to now.



Mmm ... tasty. I've seen her here and there on the television, and apparently she does a litttle voice-over work as well, so that's cool. I don't give a damn what the voice is saying as long as I get me some of that Latina-Italian-Caribbean heat. I'm sure there are several other fap-worthy females from my early years (including a few adult ones, seeing how I had a calling to them as well) but we'll leave it at that for now. So we're moving on to The Come Up.

If you weren't in love with at least one member of TLC at some point in your life, you missed out on three of the sexiest "we don't really wanna be sexy" women in the biz. Back in the day, when "CrazySexyCool" dropped, one of my homeboys called T-Boz as his girl. My other homeboy called Left Eye. That made me perfectly happy, as I had already mentally called Chilli, left her a voicemail, and made plans for the weekend. That was 95; this pic is from 2007, and she's STILL bangin. Y'all better start paying attention. On to the next:

Toni Braxton. If you don't like her, you're gay. Next.

Brandy will probably be my most disputed choice on this list. Luckily for me, it's a list of MY many wives, and not the rest of the world's. I've always liked Brandy, regardless of what others thought of her (the normal consensus is that she's ... okay, but there are better prospects out there). I say she's got love in her eyes, and that does it for me. Along with the head big enough to fit my entire Roger Rabbit plus the pellets. Oh, and on a quick note, let's not forget the twins:

I know. You want the one on the right. That's fine. You can have them both after I get done with them. That's right; they're both my wives. Now we move on to The Millenium Act:

Ahh, Garcelle Beauvais. Back when I first received my own computer, she reigned my desktop, as she should have. There was a lot of great eye candy out there, but none as dignified, refined and just flat out sexy as the fanciest co-star of the turn of the century. I searched for several images of her to put up, but I only found a few good ones. Of course I'm sure there are others that many readers wish I would post ...

But I am an honorable man. But when I'm not feeling so honorable, it's of course quite easy to find the photos. This is after all the interwebs. I digress. Sanaa Lathan.

I don't know any other way to put this: Sanaa Lathan is quite possibly the finest woman on earth. If she's anything like any of the characters she's played (minus one), then she's definitely the prototype. I can't wait til she comes around and realizes the truth - that she's married to me, that is. There's a certain quality to her that could very well put her in an echelon above the rest of these wives of mine. I don't know what it is, but dammit, there's something about Sanaa. Mary ain't got shit on her.

Yeahhhh! You thought Christina Ricci was the wild card, huh? You thought Brandy was a crazy choice, huh?! Miss Angela Bassett has been a favorite of mine since the ... second time I noticed her. She's proof that what Smokey said was true - the older the berry, the sweeter the juice. Mmmmm ... Okay, let's do one more, because I could go on for days once we hit The Millenium Act. Hmm ... who else could be part of this segment? Let's end on a lighter note.

Nicole Ari Parker. Here's the bonus pic cause she's so damn sexy. She's been all over the place; I saw her a few times here and there, but I didn't realize I wanted to nut in her until I saw her in Blue Streak. You can claim you've never seen her before, but if you've seen Remember The Titans, then you've seen her - and EVERYBODY has seen Remember The Titans. Side note - I didn't know she was in this! GREAT movie.

Alright, that wraps this up for now. Be on the look out for part two at some point in the future somewhere. I know I left out a few from each segment, so I may have to throw up an addendum to the hotness at some point in time. I have many more wives, and I didn't even bother getting into The Here And Now, which if you can't tell by the title is all of my wives at the current moment. If you want to know who'll be on the table next time I post this up, or just how sexy they'll be, I'll give you a hint - I'm f**kin 'em.