You Don't Have a Daughter

If you are reading this you probably shared your bed with somebody at least once. Was he or she a bed hog? Have you noticed that some people don't seem to be comfortable with just 50% of the bed? Well I have an idea as to why.

Bed hogs tend to be women or small children. I'm not saying that there aren't grown men that are bed hogs, because they surely can. However, in my extensive research I have found that bed hogs tend to be smaller than the person or persons they are hogging the bed away from. This just happens to end up covering the women and children demographics.

What detractors of bed hogs don't know is why they are victims to bed hogging. Instead of asking why most victims seem perfectly content in their ignorance and just accept their corner of the bed. In many bed sharing relationships this may in fact just be an inevitability, but I believe that it is important to understand the reasons for the hogging.

Many of these detractors tend to merely complain about their bed sharing partner calling them bed hogs to their face or even worse, everyone else in the world. Sometimes it comes up in casual conversation at work. Other times they share it with an old friend while catching up over coffee or a beer. This could turn out to be an especially negative move if this is the first impression that they have of your child or significant other.

Putting your inquiries to rest the reason that I have observed that bed hogs take over the majority of the bed from their partners has to do mostly with cuddling. Small children and significant others tend to enjoy the embrace and security of another while they sleep; however, the victims in this matter will more than likely attempt to increase distance from the bed hog in order to increase his or her own comfort. The victims tend to get too hot or are simply not comfortable being close to another being while sleeping. Therefore, by the time everyone is awake the victim will be in his or her small corner of the bed while the hog will be spread out successfully, albeit unintentionally, conquering the bed.

In the case of blanket hogs, which I find are much more equally distributed between men and women, the reasons behind their transgression is not that much different. It is about increasing his or her own comfort while unwittingly ignoring yours. However, a striking difference is that the victim response is usually immediately reactionary since the discomfort is much more immediate and extreme. The bed hog slowly encroaches onto the victims territory until he or she has the entire bed conquered by morning. The blanket hog simply takes the blankets without regard to length of the sheet or your necessity of warmth. Again, I remind the reader that these are not malicious people and they are probably not trying to inconvenience you.

The question is what one should do with this knowledge? I would suggest opening up to your bed sharing partner and maybe explaining what your comfort level is. If you prefer not to be close to him or her during slumber, then maybe you should let that person know about it. Also, maybe establish guidelines on how far left or right the blanket can go. Or maybe even have multiple blankets on the bed.

However, most importantly, just stop talking to me about it. I am fairly confident that I'm not sharing my bed with you so grab a mental pen and take this mental note: If I'm not sleeping in your bed, then I don't need to know. Furthermore, maybe you should man up and just take back your bed or something. And if that doesn't apply to you, then chew on this one: He or she is just a kid, get over it.