You Don't Have a Daughter

I love LoLCats. If I'm having a crappy day or if I just need a pick me up I can always count on a LoLCat to cheer me up. I believe one of the best compilations of LoLCats is here. It also encourages readers to make their own LoLCats. Something of which... I approve.

I also have an inexplicable love for rabbits. I would try to go in more detail about this love, but that would be explaining the inexplicable.

So what do you get when you combine two loves of mine? Well... this:




Ideally you get "the funay" in a more lovable way. That is, if you're a rabbit guy.

So anyway, I'm begging the creative types out there... PLEASE make sum moar LoLRabbits. I mean these guys are trying, but they're just not as good. There is proof out there that rabbits can work in an intertube entertainment medium. Check it out:





I say rabbits are an underused medium for LoLs. I am sure that you clever folks out there in the intertubes can provide the goods. I mean, I'd do it myself, but I lack Photoshopping capabilities *hint* and am probably not as creative caption wise as others *hint*.

So I have a topic that's just as important maybe more so then the topic that I tackled in my last blog. This one is dear to my heart. It's about Nintendo.

Now for those of you that know me, understand how much I fucking love Nintendo. I grew up with it, some of my fondest childhood memories are from their classic games and characters.
I even have the fucking triforce tattooed to my shoulder. Suffice to say, Zelda is my shit.

Even though I am a devoted fan boy and am enjoying the Wii's new found prosperity, I do have a few gripes. I understand that Nintendo refocused on making an innovative new system with motion controls but not enough third party developers are making good games. So far with games like "Manhunt 2" (I could have shit a better game into a code compiler) are found wanting. The game is akward to control and just not very fun compared to the first game. I understand that the cut scenes and gore needed to be toned down, but the graphics were straight up shitty. Oh the game got good reviews for the PS2 (yes I said 2) and the PSP, but these are supposed to be systems with a lesser graphics capability. Nintendo, you can do better.
"No More Heroes" is a step in the right direction. The graphics are a little better (though not wear I would like them) and the story and gameplay is unique. Some of the controls are a bit akward, particularly driving but overall I'd say that the game is the first non classic Nintendo franchised game that's hit a nerve on the Wii.

Nintendo and me go way back, and I quote Dido when I say, "I will go down with this ship, I'm in love." Nintendo has a long history of doing things different which is fine but it makes it tough to make games for them. It would be nice if the system did 1280 p resolution or if they would start using regular controls for some of the games. I own both an X-Box 360, and a Wii and I like both. The 360 has a wider selection of good games and the fact of the matter is that if a cross platform game comes out I'm most likely going to go with the copy for the 360. The graphics will be better and the controls smoother.

The 360 is the first system outside of Nintendo that I have owned since the Sega Genesis. The first three Nintendo systems were flawless, BUT when the first Playstation came out it was developing games like crazy and outselling the still fantastic Nintendo 64. 64 was great, and the graphics were the best at the time but the fact of the matter is that it was so much easier to develop a game and put it on a cd rather then a cartridge. Gamecube suffered from almost the same problem, with its proprietary mini-discs. I loved the Gamecube but not enough developers hopped on board and again it slid to the back of the pack especially with the at the time new original X-box in the picture.

Even though sales are up now (and now would be a good time to buy Nintendo stock) and I dont foresee a slow down in revenue for Nintendo, especially since the number 1 system in the world is currently the Nintendo DS, it would be nice if they would just sometimes come back inside the box if only to focus in on those of us who have stuck with them since the beginning. Remember back in the day when Square made games for the Super Nintendo, that's around what I recall as the Golden age of gaming, from the first Nintendo, Super Nintendo and Sega, through the rise of the 64.

I loved PS2, and I love my X-Box 360. The game selection amongst these two systems are beyond compare. Fuck the PS3. Fuck it right in its big Sonyfied ass. You have to donate a body part to buy it, and if you want the cheaper one, you lose the backwards compatability. The only reason I would ever want one is to play the up and coming Metal Gear game which will be spectacular. Don't get me wrong, the system would be tight if you didn't have to be Scrooge McDuck to own one.

You make um Nintendo, and I'll buy um. Don't worry about that. Just remember that I'm a big boy now and need to play big boy games sometimes rather then things that only small children and Asian people enjoy.


I'll keep everyone informed on the hot games that do arrive on my buy list and be utterly ruthless with my opinions of them. If it is a bad game that I was hoping to be good then it will be crucified.


Here's a little something I made for you all to contemplate:

I've been trying to figure out whether I should put up an entry about the books I'm reading, or if it should be about recent movies I've watched, or maybe music I've listened to. I didn't know whether I should make it about games I've played or maybe some shoes I ran across on a website. So I decided to combine it all together in what may or may not be a series of posts called "Sh*t I Like." That makes things a lot easier.



Yeah, I'm into shit like this. It's interesting to read about the beginnings of one of our time's more prevalent religions, and how it inspired people. Whether it's true or false, it's still dope. It's basically a book full of questions people might ask, including the one on the cover (of course). I really like it because it asks questions you wouldn't think would be in the book, but you know people would undoubtedly ask: "These scrolls are ancient, right? So how much could I get for them?" Yeah. That's right. Hotness.



It's all about the kicks, baby. We're ready for change! So ready for change that we gon' pimp some shoes out for change! YAYUHHH!! Let's not forget the music video, too.



The Wire. AKA The Greatest Show On Television. Don't argue with me. 1) It's on HBO. 2) It's a plot-driven show with an actual plot (a detailed one at that) based on a real city with real people and real personalities. Did I mention it's real? The majority of the characters and events on this show are based on firsthand accounts of things that actually have happened in Bodymore, Murderland (shout to James Joe - D.C. is close enough). 3) There's a writer's strike going on. Its competition is American Gladiators and Terminator - The Sarah Conner Chronicles. Let's not argue about this any longer. The season is coming to a close, as is the series. Once I get my shit together, I'll be grabbing up season 4, since I already have Seasons 1, 2 & 3 (though I have to re-purchase 1 AND 2, since grubby little hands in the Vo decided to steal discs from both). Once I do that, perhaps we can discuss a beginning-to-end review of a really great show.


Hot Song Right Now Because I Said So:


That's all for now, bitches. Stay tuned.

Am I saying forget? Hell no, that is part of your history and you are stronger for it. I'm not even saying forgive, I'm just saying that a lot of us had nothing to do with it and want nothing to do with racism nowadays. This is what the basis of my issue is. Assuming that I am racist because of my skin color or joke (which you yourself are "allowed" to make towards me) is racist. We will all one day be just one light brown color.

SO GIVE IT A REST AND DON'T FUCKING BUY ME ANYTHING ELSE FROM HOT TOPIC!!!

For those that read this, yes it is a rant. It's a bit risque, "but that's why I say, fuck it"(Charlie Murphy). This can be construed many ways. Don't react with anger just see it from different eyes. Yes I do expect a comment from both Shifto and Skrybe claiming me to be racist after this. Bastards :-)

There was a Chris Rock comedy routine where Rock claims that all he knows about black history is Martin Luther King. So he claims that whenever he's asked a question about black history he would reply "Martin Luther King." This even goes so far as to when he is asked who the woman is that refused to give up her seat on the bus he would say, "MartinA Luther King." It is my opinion that this brings up a real problem with the so-called "Black History Month."

If we are expected to celebrate something as rich as Black History then don't just shove one guy down my throat. There came a point that King was thrown at me so much that I just started ignoring anything more that I heard about him. At this point I feel I know only the bare essentials about King which include the following:

• He's black
• He was a minister
• He had a dream
• He cheated on his wife
• He's OVER RATED

I'm sure those that don't know me will stop reading there and immediately accuse me of being a racist; however, I sardonically snub my nose at those readers and offer the following statement, "I can't be racist because I'm not white." Now that we got that out of the way we may continue.

How many people, black or otherwise, find themselves in the same position as Chris Rock. That is, only being able to recall the name of King when it comes to anything Black American. There is more to Black America than King. Furthermore, there were many who I feel are more intelligent and more influential than King. However, that is sort of outside of the point I'm trying to make here.

The point is that regardless of King's accomplishments that the month of February, Black History Month, has become about as watered down as Christmas. The focus has been lost. Instead of a month to reflect on the accomplishments of Black Americans we have boiled it down to one topic. Martin Luther King. Every single time this month comes about I always hear every single politician quoting something King said. Each February of my life I have seen teachers posting pictures of King in the hallway or in recent days kids posting his image on their website. The second month of the year is much like the last month. "HO HO HO" is replaced with "I have a dream" and an old white guy replaced with a middle aged black guy.

What's the point? King already has a day in January and we're giving him the entirety of February, too? If we're going to have this Black History Month continue, then I propose the emphasis on King be removed and let's concentrate on people that actually mattered liked Frederick Douglass or W. E. B. Dubois. Why limit it to individuals? Why not go with broad topics like freemen as a whole or black activists groups like the NAACP as a whole.

Otherwise, let's just call it what it is. Martin Luther King Month.

And that means ... well, just about nothing these days. I don't know anyone who's shown even an inkling of interest in the topic. No one's even brought it up (including me; well, until this post). Why doesn't anyone want to celebrate the African-American experience? Well ... I blame Soulja Boy, of course.

But no worries. BET still holding us down. Of course you may never guess that, in between episodes of Hell Date and American Gangster ...

As usual, I'm feeling how HBO is holding it down. Joe Louis, baby. Represent.

Of course McDonald's celebrates Black History year-round. And I celebrate McDonald's. Because I loooove the fatties.

Lastly, check out the alternate view on things. Perhaps it was never meant to last. I guess there's already too much history to learn about ....

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Now playing: Muhsinah - only and always
via FoxyTunes

Big Z, I'm in your corner.
I know that you are a man of integrity and in fact, you do have a daughter.

My friend Skrybe. Though your evidence is strong I propose to you a different theory, and if you'll sit back and take a gander at this thought provoking tale, I'm sure you'll agree.
Have you ever seen the movie Stargate? Well readers, if you have you will understand right away. The premise of the movie is that ancient Egyptian civilization and perhaps mankind itself was brought to the planet in order to serve Rah the Sun God who just happens to actually be an immortal alien taking the form of a human being.
Well to get to the point. In the movie there was another planet with humans doing the Sun Gods bidding once again. Using this knowledge and that of the TV series spin-off of the movie we know that there are probably humans on many other planets too.
Big Z, did you not say that you were practicing the religion of the ancient Eygptians? The Egyptian book of the dead being the text of choice. The deighty which you gave praise to mainly being the Sun God Rah?
Stargate was a hell of a movie. Perhaps a little too good. I believe that no writer could have made the concept on their own. The plot is just too feasable. Burton wasnt born. He was created. By Rah. He came through a star gate.
Unfortunatley Burton's daughter got stuck within the gate and is perpetually flying at lightspeed through the time space continuum. Using the theory of relativity and certain other equations from physics I can prove thus that she has in fact remained the same age for several years and in fact will continue to remain the same age until long after we are all dust.
Big Z is a fantastic musician. I even heard one of his platinum CDs back from his planet. Unfortunatley I lost the Cd though and I dont really feel like looking for it so sorry you're just going to have to take my word for it. Burton can play all instruments.....except Earth instruments. When he was placed in front of an Earth piano, he froze up. The piano keys where he is from are in an entirely different order you fools. It would be like trying to make music with a toaster oven to us comparitively. You primitive minds cannot grasp the knowledge which flows through his head. Look at the size of it. HE has seen, HE has seen all. He has stood at the foot of Rah. I tell you Burton is not a liar. He is just misunderstood. His advanced ways are far beyond our comprehension.... though I can see where we could construe that as big fat fucking lies.

Burton doesn't have a daughter.

It's true. He made the whole thing up. She doesn't exist now, she's never existed. She's a figment of his overactive imagination, created as yet another lie to embellish his already over embellished lifestyle. Big Z doesn't have what would now be a 16-year old daughter; he didn't have a 14-year old daughter 2 years ago. She isn't an amazing singer, he hasn't taught her how to cook anything, and she didn't get kicked out of 6th grade music class for playing Chopin backwards.

How do I know? BECAUSE I CALLED HIS GRANDMOTHER. And she had no idea what daughter it was I was talking about. I played it off as if it were a joke. She didn't seem to upset by my call. I'm a pretty nice guy when I'm not being evil and sadistic. So anyway, I just wanted to go ahead and make this very clear. On a side note, Burton is also a pathological liar - in case you hadn't picked up on that yet. He's not a chef; he's never taught at any school ever (grade, middle or high school); he's never boxed a day in his life. He never won Golden Gloves in any city of any state in America (or internationally, if that question arises). He doesn't have the class ring from the college he never attended. He doesn't make music. He doesn't know anyone who makes music. He's not "deep into the music scene" in Richmond, Virginia. He can't play the piano, forwards or backwards. He was called out on it while we were in the Vo and he couldn't deliver. He sat right behind that keyboard and didn't play one note. Why? Because Burton is a liar. He makes it up so people will think he's got a lot going for him in life.

So here's the real story. Big Z is a 29-year old Army Specialist (yes, that's right, I refuse to acknowledge the undeserved promotion) who lives with his grandmother. Sometimes he stays at his pop's place to switch things up. He does not have a car or a license, which would be fine if he lived in New York or Chicago. Unfortunately he lives in Richmond, Virginia, with no train or rail access. That means utilizing a car to get around is a necessity for having a life after age 16. He's an extremely bad speller, which I'm sure many people already know after reading an email from him or just by visiting his Myspace. He's also very childish in his behavior, getting upset very easily and throwing temper tantrums regularly. He doesn't truly retain information, because when questioned on the duties of any particular part of his military MOS (of which he's been for the last 10 years in the Army), his answers are limited and incomplete on all subjects. Burton only really and truly knows one thing - lying. The sad and ironic truth of it is, he's not really good at that either. His lies are not well-spoken, and though he is not lacking in conviction, the outrageousness of his material is what enables us to understand that what he's speaking just COULD NOT be truth. Nobody was letting Burton drive a mail truck in Iraq. The truck drivers from Iraq that remembered him pointed out that he was making that up. No school in America would accept a teacher - or for that matter, a teacher's assistant - that couldn't handle basic spelling and math.

More importantly - because it's one thing to lie on yourself, but it's another to lie on other people - Burton never had sex with another individual (who shall remain nameless) from the Vo. Everything he said about her was a lie. She confirmed it, and her alibi (aka the guy she WAS with that night) also confirmed it. Yes, Burton took a shot with her on one of our trips. No, Burton didn't go back to the room with her at any point. Perhaps he mistook her for his gay friend who knows karate and will kick your ass. Well actually, I don't think Burton had sex with him either. But I never got confirmation either way on that one. The bottom line is, at some point in his life perhaps Burton did have sex with a woman. That didn't happen in the Vo. I know because I wasn't having sex with anyone, and I was in my room nearly every night. Burton was there too. Normally with his gay friend who knows karate and will kick your ass.

So if you happen to see Burton, don't worry about engaging him in a long discussion about ... well, anything. Just walk up to him and say "You don't have a daughter." That should take care of everything.

P.S. - Before we flew out to the Vo, I talked to Burton's "girlfriend" on the phone. She had no idea that they were even in a relationship. Things that make you go hmmm ...