You Don't Have a Daughter

Today I was visiting The Best Page in the Universe and reading an oldy, but goody. Maddox mentions something surprising to me when he writes, "Another crappy movie getting rave reviews. Unbelievable." Yes that is unbelievable since I don't remember Signs being popular at all. So I went to wiki to read the reception and find out that it was generally liked by critics. Learn something new everyday.

From there I continued looking at other M. Night Shyamalan movie wikis and read something most disturbing. A small anecdote noted on the Lady in the Water wiki discusses how one critic panned the movie insisting that Shyamalan needs to stop wasting everyone's time and do films for Nickelodeon. Well, ironically enough he will be directing the Avatar live-action adaptation. I believe it goes without saying that this is the most upsetting entertainment news I've heard since finding out who was playing Goku in the live-action Dragon Ball movie.

Just an aside let's address this Dragonball live-action film for a second. Let's first forget that they've totally miscasted, um, every single main character. Let's also forget that they released a crappy trailer which isn't even worth watching or linking. I think that the most telling sign of this movie's failure is the fact that the big wigs at Fox are ordering some scenes to be redone due to their shoddiness. Someone needs to tell them that they're just wasting money since the entire film is probably shoddy. This movie is riding the FAILbus, on the FAILferry to FAILville and still managed to mess that up.



I know I don't have much to go on, but I feel that the live-action Avatar movie, The Last Airbender, will be on the same ride and it's due to the predictability of the director, M. Night Shyamalan. I have seen only three of Shyamalan's movies because that's how long it took me to identify his formula. In every Shyamalan film there is a "WTF moment" and there is a huge "twist." For example, in Unbreakable the "WTF moment" is Mr. Glass revealing his theory about how comic books actually hide a secret truth about our world long forgotten (that superheroes exist) and the "twist" is that Mr. Glass is a psychopathic Super Villain. In The Village the "WTF moment" is that the villagers actually live in the present day and are just descendants of hippies and the "twist" is that the crazy beast is actually some lamer in a crappy suit who happens to be a fellow villager. You can probably get away with just calling each plot device in a Shyamalan film a "twist," but there is a certain emotion that Shyamalan wants to evoke with the first device that sets the viewer up for the latter. The viewer is supposed to say "WTF" and then at the end say, "whoa," as if we didn't see it coming. The problem is that by now everyone sees it coming because he does the same thing in every movie he makes.

It's unlikely that he will do this with Avatar, but I'm not going to hold my breath. One may argue that he has several episodes of source material to work with so he can't mess it up, but seriously, tell that to the makers of the first Hulk movie, the aforementioned Fox executives, or Uwe Boll. It can be messed up and I'm afraid it will be.

So this is an interesting situation. I am criticizing the director for being too predictable in most of his films, yet saying that his best hope is staying true to the source material that I have already seen. To clarify for the inquisition, I want Mr. Shyamalan to stay true to the source; however, please leave that dreaded formula with his other work.

Will I watch it? Due to my faithfulness to the animated series I will watch the first movie. But just like Star Wars or American Pie I will not hesitate to abandon the sequels if I foresee a downward trend in quality. Unfortunately, I already know that if I'm in for one, then I'm in for at least two since the first movie will be a cliffhanger. How do I know that? If you're asking that question then you didn't comprehend a thing I wrote before this paragraph, did you?

It appears that I'm the only one posting for a while and my posts will be limited to little things like this. Ahh well... forward we go!

Quake On Me



Instant classic for those that get it.

I didn't see an embed feature, but I suggest you click this link to see the peculiar nature of cornstarch. I feel that this is one thing I really would like to try if I had 2000 boxes of corn starch and a giant tub.

Here is another link for people that understand online gaming and history. Whoever did it thought it out very well.

That's it for this time, hopefully someone has something thoughtful to say next time.

Did you know that you've been cooking bacon wrong your whole life?



Me neither.

Next, the current top featured Youtube video right now:



Notice how she wasn't really using the "B" button to run?

And now for a youtuber on the verge of breaking out into internet stardom:



The internets are much better for this video.

This link dump has been brought to you by chow.com, youtube, and kotaku.

I have expressed my views on presidential primaries in general on my personal blog. Since then a lot of has happened in the presidential primaries. McCain has been declared the winner of the Republican primary and the Democrats are finding every way possible to damn themselves in the presidential election in November. Don't believe me? Then you are a fool.

I rarely make such a bottom line, blanket statement like that, but this you cannot deny. I don't care what Speaker Nancy Pelosi says publicly, I'm sure she is dreading the fact that this primary has taken the tone it has.

Let's start off with Florida and Michigan. Florida is no stranger to voting controversies, but lets forget about chad-gate for now. The Democratic party in Florida and Michigan pushed up their primaries. What was the reason? Because their primaries were too late and at least in Michigan's case, the Governor claims that she wanted to push Michigan back into the spotlight since the job market and economy is so bad there right now. Well, I bet you guys feel like asses now! The Democratic primary has made states like Indiana, West Virginia, and Oregon relevant. As if they needed any more validation of their importance, but people are now talking about South Dakota and Montana! See that Michigan and Florida, you don't need to break the rules in order to get heard. Next time stop being such blubbering pussies and follow the damn rules set forth by your party. Don't friggin' complain about your voters being disenfranchised. Your state party made the decision to break rules and just like any other time you break the rules you accept the consequences with that.

Speaking of consequences, can't Senator Clinton see that her campaign is ruining the Democratic party? Senators Clinton and Obama are both fairly liberal Democrats and generally believe in the same types of policy. So what do they have to argue about? Not much, but they sure as heck find stuff to. Ultimately, it comes down to this media buzzword "electability," whatever that is. I feel that when all else is the same the people will vote on character. Yeah, and boy have they been attacking each other's character. Between Rev. Wright, Bosnia snipers, and whatever else they're talking about now why would Americans want to vote for either of these folks?

I cannot boohoo Senator's Clinton's vow to fight on, but seriously, is it the best thing for the Democratic party? All they are doing is giving more fuel to Senator McCain come the November election. He's saving plenty of money on muckraking research since both Democratic candidates are doing it for him. If Obama does win the nomination all McCain has to say is, "Remember what Hillary said about you? That's why you suck LoL." Well, all that is fine, because I plan on voting for McCain anyway, but what about the fence sitters? Regardless of how they feel about the current administration the discord in the Democratic party cannot look attractive to them. Is this kind of childishness and ineptitude that the Democrats have to offer the American people?

It seems like every Presidential election since Clinton the Democrats find some way to screw it up for themselves. We could have had a great, Democrat, President in Howard Dean, but then we had to go and have his voice crack and that was the end of that. What a dumb reason not to vote for someone... anyway. When the Democrats turned on him in 2004 that convinced me that it would be a while before I would ever vote for a Democrat for President. The only suitable choice in the election, kicked to the curb. Once again, the only suitable choice being kicked to the side for someone younger, sexier, and blacker. Senator Obama might be a great politician, but I don't know one thing he has ever done. Not ONE! and I challenge anyone to make a list of things that he has done as a politician and compare it to either Senator Clinton or Senator McCain's list.

Good job Democrats. Take some advice from the Republicans, Democrats. Shut up, kiss, and make up. The sooner you do it, the better it is for your party. Seriously, I mean this from the heart. And please, next time, try to choose the best candidate for the job. It will help you win the general election. You don't think you can? Neither do I. That's why I don't like presidential primary elections, but that can be a post in itself.

This is a bit of late-breaking news for all to digest - some Black Americans are not fully trusting of White Americans! I know, I know, I know. It's hard to believe that after our long history of equality and brotherhood, some would still be untrusting. Yet still, when someone brings up a lack of trust in our brethren, we still get the "whhhaaaa?!" look. Interesting. So I've brought along my White friend Dan to set the record straight for 2008 (like Greyfox already did - it's good to have White friends).


White People, Get Over Yourselves from Dantrification on Vimeo.

This is going to be a fairly regular compilation of clips and links that I would like to share.

First, Hillary Duff:



o_O...

Second, a bunny massage:



As always, read the comments to that one for some extra entertainment.

Third, Super Smash Bros. Brawl:



Scandalous!

These clips have been brought to you by Gametrailers, Youtube, Kotaku, and this blog for perverts (NSFW).

*note* If some of these pics don't work, these websites are SERIOUS haters. They all worked just fine for three days, and now I'm seeing issues just prior to posting. Ghey.

Ahh, Christina Ricci. I've been in love with her big-headed ass since the first Addams Family movie, when she suggested roasting Girl Scouts to create their famous cookies. Come to think of it, I wouldn't mind slathering some chocolate and caramel on top of that coconut cookie ... Yet I digress. She was off the list for a while, and then I saw her humongous blonde dome in Sleepy Hollow and fell in love all over again - and this time I had some nice moo-moos pouring out of the top of her dress for me to fap to.

Now back in the mid-90's, there used to be a tv show on Nickelodeon (back when they had good tv shows) that was called "All That." Great show. Sketch comedy for pre-teens. Some of my best memories are of turning on the VCR (because I was overseas - fuck a cable box!) and dreaming about future fap sessions to little Alisa Reyes. I also had an urging for little Katrina Johnson, but it was tough finding pics of her. Perhaps it's because Alisa is hotter. Rather than corrupting this post with pics of 11-year olds, we'll just fast-forward to now.



Mmm ... tasty. I've seen her here and there on the television, and apparently she does a litttle voice-over work as well, so that's cool. I don't give a damn what the voice is saying as long as I get me some of that Latina-Italian-Caribbean heat. I'm sure there are several other fap-worthy females from my early years (including a few adult ones, seeing how I had a calling to them as well) but we'll leave it at that for now. So we're moving on to The Come Up.

If you weren't in love with at least one member of TLC at some point in your life, you missed out on three of the sexiest "we don't really wanna be sexy" women in the biz. Back in the day, when "CrazySexyCool" dropped, one of my homeboys called T-Boz as his girl. My other homeboy called Left Eye. That made me perfectly happy, as I had already mentally called Chilli, left her a voicemail, and made plans for the weekend. That was 95; this pic is from 2007, and she's STILL bangin. Y'all better start paying attention. On to the next:

Toni Braxton. If you don't like her, you're gay. Next.

Brandy will probably be my most disputed choice on this list. Luckily for me, it's a list of MY many wives, and not the rest of the world's. I've always liked Brandy, regardless of what others thought of her (the normal consensus is that she's ... okay, but there are better prospects out there). I say she's got love in her eyes, and that does it for me. Along with the head big enough to fit my entire Roger Rabbit plus the pellets. Oh, and on a quick note, let's not forget the twins:

I know. You want the one on the right. That's fine. You can have them both after I get done with them. That's right; they're both my wives. Now we move on to The Millenium Act:

Ahh, Garcelle Beauvais. Back when I first received my own computer, she reigned my desktop, as she should have. There was a lot of great eye candy out there, but none as dignified, refined and just flat out sexy as the fanciest co-star of the turn of the century. I searched for several images of her to put up, but I only found a few good ones. Of course I'm sure there are others that many readers wish I would post ...

But I am an honorable man. But when I'm not feeling so honorable, it's of course quite easy to find the photos. This is after all the interwebs. I digress. Sanaa Lathan.

I don't know any other way to put this: Sanaa Lathan is quite possibly the finest woman on earth. If she's anything like any of the characters she's played (minus one), then she's definitely the prototype. I can't wait til she comes around and realizes the truth - that she's married to me, that is. There's a certain quality to her that could very well put her in an echelon above the rest of these wives of mine. I don't know what it is, but dammit, there's something about Sanaa. Mary ain't got shit on her.

Yeahhhh! You thought Christina Ricci was the wild card, huh? You thought Brandy was a crazy choice, huh?! Miss Angela Bassett has been a favorite of mine since the ... second time I noticed her. She's proof that what Smokey said was true - the older the berry, the sweeter the juice. Mmmmm ... Okay, let's do one more, because I could go on for days once we hit The Millenium Act. Hmm ... who else could be part of this segment? Let's end on a lighter note.

Nicole Ari Parker. Here's the bonus pic cause she's so damn sexy. She's been all over the place; I saw her a few times here and there, but I didn't realize I wanted to nut in her until I saw her in Blue Streak. You can claim you've never seen her before, but if you've seen Remember The Titans, then you've seen her - and EVERYBODY has seen Remember The Titans. Side note - I didn't know she was in this! GREAT movie.

Alright, that wraps this up for now. Be on the look out for part two at some point in the future somewhere. I know I left out a few from each segment, so I may have to throw up an addendum to the hotness at some point in time. I have many more wives, and I didn't even bother getting into The Here And Now, which if you can't tell by the title is all of my wives at the current moment. If you want to know who'll be on the table next time I post this up, or just how sexy they'll be, I'll give you a hint - I'm f**kin 'em.

Okay, I'm sure that the title in itself is going to be pretty controversial. I suppose a little disclosure is necessary.

First of all at this time I would definitely not describe myself as "emo," but honestly who would. I did not grow my bangs out long, I do not cut myself to make myself feel better, and I do not curl up in my bed and lament about my parents' lack of understanding. It wasn't always like that though.

I may have first been introduced to emo when a Spider-Man movie's soundtrack included Dashboard Confessional's "Vindicated." I liked the song, it spoke to me. That's probably because I was emo.

That was the period of my life when my girlfriend for 5 years dumped me and quickly moved on with her life. Much quicker than I did. Instead of manning up and moving on I just dug myself into a hole of despair that lasted approximately 1-2 years.

Well, that begs the question, "How did you get out of the gutter?" Being deployed to a foreign land and seeing real people, with real problems really helps one get things into perspective. I mean, it's like when Dave Chappelle fled to Africa to think about the moral issues he was having selling out his people in comedy for the sake of money. Chappelle said after explaining his situation to an African man the man replied with something to the effect of being forced to eat a dog the night prior. Real people, real problems. With my own epiphany in place I saw Dashboard for what they are.

There are still certain emo bands that I listen to and like. My Chemical Romance is a band that a lot of people label as emo even though they themselves reject the label. Their album, The Black Parade, has found itself in my iTunes library. Another ambiguously emo band I'm high on is Evanesance. A man once told me that he imagined the lead singer, Amy Lee, singing to him while he had his head in her lap while she brushed his head with her hand until he fell asleep.

Finally, the band New Years Day is another potentially emo band that I've grown fond of. If you haven't heard of them, then you probably never played Saint's Row. You can catch their song from the game below.



The imagery used in the song was so detailed and clever that I couldn't help but paint pictures in my head of a person ravaging the body of cupid. Also, the line "your love is my heart disease," is incredibly witty and captures a person's tortured love perfectly.

If we're just going to talk about straight up, no arguments about it, card carrying emo bands, such as Jimmy Eat My Ass and Waterboard Confessionals, then yeah, emo sucks. However, if the aforementioned bands are in fact emo then I would argue that emo is alright. Maybe this is especially true of any emo band with a female lead singer.

So The New Mastersounds finally came on, and we were ready. Since this was a Sunday night - and most of us are normally at home getting ready for work or sleeping since we have to work in the morning - my buddies were already telling me that this better be worth it. Well, as soon as that first groove dropped, they knew it was. This band was SO tight. And I don't just mean that as in they make good music, but literally every snare, every kick, every lick, every key was on point. They seemed to never ever lose the tempo or the pace. They so easily rolled from one song into the next, never letting us lose the groove. Entropy might have put us in a partying mood, but TNMS put us in a music-loving mood. Eddie Roberts, the lead guitar, was nothing short of amazing. I really only say that because he was up front and his solos were awesome - EVERYBODY on that stage displayed an amazing amount of talent. One of my buddies even pointed out that his ears were bleeding - he wasn't complaining about it, because it was worth it.

So yeah, if TNMS come to your town anytime soon, I'd highly suggest a visit. If you can handle getting way too funky for yourself.


Classic Bonus:

Booker T & The MG's - Green Onions




I have no urge to post up video of The New Mastersounds, as they're too funky for the average video microphone to capture.

There is something gravely wrong with the world. We have flown to the moon. We have unlocked the power of the atom. We have created computers faster then anything we've ever thought imaginable. Information is the touch of a button away. But yet, there is much wrong in the world.
Read along if your appetite has been whetted.

Let me take you through a scenario. Imagine you're me, or any guy really. You're deep in slumber, you're warm, you're happy, everything is clean and nice, then blam, it's 3 in the morning and you have to fucking pee. You're like dammit I can hold it. You're always such a stubborn bastard aren't you? Don't you realize that by simply getting up and going right away you've just saved yourself that half hour of torture you're planning on giving yourself and made up on sleep time.

Anyways, you get up, half asleep after finally deciding it's time to go. Stumble down the hall to the bathroom in your sleepy bizzaro world, made even more odd due to the fact that you're in Bosnia. You get into a stall, which is uphaullingly dirty because people are terrible and must hate themselves because they obviously want to live in such filthy ass conditions, when all they have to due is fucking clean up after themselves........AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Okay, sorry, now on to the main point. You've unzipped, you're standing there, you release the pressure from your hose, ahhhhhh relief. BUT WHAT! WHATS THIS!!!!! Fucking water and/or urine has splashed back from the toilet or urinal back at you and a tiny most uncomfortable wet droplet of said substance is now on your leg.
Fucking seriously! Why is it that we don't have urinals that are splash proof. There is nothing so disheartening in life to me as to have another man's urine particles splash back onto my bare legs after going to the bathroom in the middle of the night (especially when one is deployed cause who knows whose piss it is.)
Some urinals I've heard of have a sticker. They have a magical sticker. This sticker/marking/target/whatever you want to call it is the target area for you to pee so that the angle is such that there will be no urine bouncing back. Eureka! Fucking Brilliant!
It's so simple, I mean I eventually find that sweet spot in toilets/urinals so that no pee bounces back, but there's too much time spent trying to find it. Fucking thank the Lord of the Toilet Rings someone out there has addressed this travesty. Let's just hope the rest of the world catches on. Fuck world hunger, this is big.

I will not deny that I don't take notice when I see someone I like. Take this person for example:


Yeah, well I just happened to see her again during an episode of CSI and then decided to look her up. Well apparently she's from Vancouver Canada. As if Vancouver needed any more hot chicks. The city apparently has a beacon that makes these women flock to it.

Like I said earlier I looked the young woman up after seeing her on CSI. So I needed to know her name so I wiki'd CSI. Well I found her named in the "Past main characters" section since she's replacing Jorja Fox, who happens to be this writer's favorite vegan.

Anyway, upon reviewing the young woman's short wiki, I decided to follow the link to IMDB that was at the end of the page. Ahh, much more enlightening. Apparently, she was in the recent monster flick Cloverfield.

Finally, I decided to test my luck and see if she was featured on the fledgling site, Chickipedia. Yup. Her name is Jessica Lucas and if you're a man, then this woman should immediately be your pretend wife. Well, unless of course you already have one.

This actually brings me to my most important point of all. If you are a man and you haven't heard of Chickipedia, then you owe me a beer for introducing it to you. I feel that it has the potential of being the greatest resource for the education of heterosexual men.

TENSION AND HATE/CRAZED WHITE MAN VS ANGRY BLACK MAN!!!

Once upon a time there were two young men. They were(maybe still are) in the army.
Oh how the tension grows as you're placed in a living situation with people that are GASP. A different skin color. These men, forced to live with each other, feeding off of the PRESSURES OF WAR (joke in itself) came to hate one another.

They went to the breaking point.


Until one day, the young white man snapped, he could not take this onslaught of "Gangster" Rap and R&B any longer.

The young man drew his weapon and the dogs of war were released.


The stare down that followed was legendary. The angry black man, overcoming the initial shock did not shrink down and he glared. A hate fire burned within his eyes and fire rained down upon the Earth, but especially in places that suck, like Wisconsin, or the Dakotas, because no one else would be willing to have fire rain down upon them for the sake of a story.



The crazed white man stood his ground as well (of course this was easy with a gun in hand thus making the angry black man a bit more courageous in this story, but just wait for the moral will you, you impatient bastards, I'm working with limited old photos here)


They both looked at each other and in a frenzy came at one another. The angry black man unbeknownst to the crazed white man could use the force and thus disarmed him. A fight ensued.

After weeks of fighting non stop(because each of the combatants learned to fight on top of Mount Olympus with the gods, although one on the black side, and one on the white side of Mount Olympus because they did the training in the 60's and Zeus was actually a Redneck) they stopped. After discussing there differences in large panting breaths they discovered that the tension was not caused by racial tension at all. It was caused by the fucking morons which surrounded them. From then on they were the best of friends and hated everyone else collectively (except for shifto who actually took all of these pictures many years ago and who also joined in this cause) because they understood their superiority of brainpower over those plebes.
They decided to forge an alliance and bring the truth to the world, their truth, whether the world wants to hear it or not (along with shifto, without whom I could not have written this preposterous story).

And they lived happily ever after, well, not happily, but in cooperation. If it was happily ever after I probably wouldn't be writing for this blog, because I wouldn't have anything to write.


BFF and shifto too, as a fucking 12 year old girl texting with her new cell phone would say. (by the way, don't give kids cellphones dick-heads they don't need them)

FIN

(Vanity statement, I must have weighed 2 lbs back then, look at those chicken arms)

I'll take this opportunity to talk about something that I hate. New white people music. Now I'm not talking about artists from R&B, I'm not talking about Pop. I'm talking about good old rock and roll. I can't think of one song made by a new rock band on the radio that I have enjoyed within the last 2 years. I have heard good shit that isn't on the radio, and maybe that just means that the radio sucks, but I'm gonna bitch about something, so here we go.
You have an advent of shitty rock bands like Nickelback that get successful. They appeal to teenage girls, rednecks who like rock, and middle aged people who insist on saying that they are "down" with new rock music in a futile attempt to stay in this generation. With a slew of shitty catchy singles, bands like these will pump their generic rock through the airwaves and into the proverbial gun that I will use to kill myself with.
SPEAKING OF KILLING YOURSELF. This brings me to the next part of the sad state of white people guitar music. The emo-revolution has all but destroyed my faith in the world. This slew of pussies crying into a microphone has nearly given me a stroke. They all sound the same. The same high pitched scream, pre-pubescent voice sung into the microphone about love lost and parents not understanding you is getting old. Especially since the majority of these voices are being sung from 28 year old dudes still bitching about what happened to them in high school. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Oh and they've made it trendy to be a pussy. Yes they have. This slew of wear your heart on your sleeve cry yourself to sleep at night alone in your bedroom as your tears soak your long black bangs so that you cannot see the world because it is too painful to look at. Your girlfriend dumped you, GET OVER IT. No ones parents understand them.
And there is NEVER ever an excuse to cut yourself. None of this stupid emo kid logic, oh I cut myself cause its the only real pain, I just want to feel blah blah blah. The only real pain I feel is you, and every time I read a super soppy my world is so dark and so am I lyric in your gay ass aim profile or on your emokid99sufferingdarkangelbleedingheart2019 myspace page I throw up in the back of my mouth a little bit. Look at us we're so mysterious and dark. Lets be individuals together and shop at hot topic. ALSO!!!! It isn't cool to wear black shirts that say whitty things in white lettering like "I used to be Schizophrenic but we're better now," or "one by one the penguins steal my insanity", or anything along those lines. Shirts that advertise your individuality or darkness or the fact that you obviously think you're hardcore make you not that. Remember, you cant be hardcore if you're a pussy that listens to whiny music and cries yourself to sleep over your lost high school girlfriend. Maybe instead of investing in all that shitty music and gear you should spend it on some vagisil and a package of tampons, cause that bleeding heart, isnt a heart at all, its just a big bleeding pussy that happens to be you flopping around, dry, and irritating as hell......bitches.
Your girlfriend dumped you so that she could be with that other guy who isn't a pussy, and your dad thinks you're gay.

So I missed two drills in a row.

My mother got married (again) on the weekend of the January drill. I had no plans to miss that, regardless of anything. Hey, third time's a charm. And what better good luck charm for your wedding than children from a previous marriage? I of course also found time to run through - er, run BY a friend a mine. She appreciated the visit greatly. I didn't bother informing anyone at my unit that I wasn't planning on being at drill, because ... *shrug* it's the Reserves (more explanations on this in the future, I'm sure).

So February came around. I knew the drill was coming up. I was a little iffy about being there, but it's what I do (normally), so whatever. I went ahead and put it on the schedule. 2nd weekend of February. Awesome. Didn't wanna go really, but you gotta do what you gotta do (more on THAT in the future, I'm sure). Friday before drill came around. Packed up the PT's in the bag, made sure all the morning gear was fresh and set out, and double-checked the drill schedule to ensure I had the correct date. And I didn't. It was the weekend prior. I had completely fucked up, and it was already over. Shit. Well that sucked.

I felt a little bad about that one, but I quickly got over it, as it tends to happen with these things. So now March has rolled around, and it's time for drill once again. I knew I had to make this happen. Two drills in a row. What are they going to say to me? What if the First Sergeant calls me out in morning formation? What the hell am I gonna say? "Sorry, Top ... I FORGOT." Oh, you forgot? That's cool. Hey, before you leave, give me those stripes. You don't need em. Here's this PFC rank until you figure it out. Nevertheless, I maintain my normal confident cool and push on. No need to get all shook up over shit that hasn't even happened yet. But it doesn't hurt to be mentally prepared.

I stepped into drill like I hadn't missed a day. People said hey, what's up! Haven't seen you in a while! My UA said "Hey, Sergeant! I needed you! I've been missing you!" Aww ... how sweet. She still didn't pay me while I was gone. But other than the gushing happiness from my UA, nobody particularly said anything. I knew this couldn't be it. Something HAD to happen. And then ... it did happen. "Sergeant, I need to see you in my office!" Ah ... shit. Here it comes. Stay cool. No beef. Never let em see you sweat. They're typically understanding people; and if they're not, then keep the ball in your court. He stood in front of me, not even bothering to close the door. Damn. Everybody's gonna hear this. I didn't shift my weight; I didn't change my breathing. I looked him right in the eye. Hey, if you're gonna play, play to win. Finally, he said it:

"We think you're a great representative for the unit. We're recommending you for Soldier of the Year."

Welcome to the Reserves.

Now there's more back story to this, of course. There have been months where I was standing in front of formations, or leading troops through drills, or helping fellow soldiers out with PT, making sure the lower enlisted were getting their equipment when needed; I've even won an award since I've been here, and while I'm not actively trying to disappear, I'm definitely not trying to stand out. While I may not like the system, for the most part I'll still do what I feel an NCO should be doing. So why would I be skipping drills if I'm doing what an NCO should be doing? For the answer to that you'd have to understand what we do or don't do during drill weekends, and I don't feel I should share info about our "training" here. The bottom line is I'm on top of my soldiers and there for them when they need it, and I help out my fellow NCOs when the time comes. This is why they recognize the talent; why they acknowledge it even after two consecutive missed drill dates is indicative of the broken system I spoke of earlier - even I don't understand that one.

To put it simply, I have the tools to get the job done. I just feel they can be better used doing other jobs. Even a great firefighter gets tired of running in the same building week after week, putting out fires on the same stove that only catches fire because the owners of the building don't know how to light a stove; and if that firefighter attempts to instruct those owners on the proper lighting of a stove, their answer is "You're a firefighter. It's your job to put the fire out when we fuck up." Hmm ... I think that firefighter would like to request a transfer. Let's at least put fires out for someone who's appreciative.

There's a lot more I probably could say, but I'm sure I'll hear enough from my cohorts. I didn't accept the Soldier of the Year nomination (or perhaps it truly was an NCO of the Year nomination). I told them the board was during my AT, which it is. Even if it weren't, I don't know if I would have accepted the nomination. But hey, it's all part of the system. Do what you gotta do and keep on moving. We'll talk more about doing what you gotta do at a later date ...

I love LoLCats. If I'm having a crappy day or if I just need a pick me up I can always count on a LoLCat to cheer me up. I believe one of the best compilations of LoLCats is here. It also encourages readers to make their own LoLCats. Something of which... I approve.

I also have an inexplicable love for rabbits. I would try to go in more detail about this love, but that would be explaining the inexplicable.

So what do you get when you combine two loves of mine? Well... this:




Ideally you get "the funay" in a more lovable way. That is, if you're a rabbit guy.

So anyway, I'm begging the creative types out there... PLEASE make sum moar LoLRabbits. I mean these guys are trying, but they're just not as good. There is proof out there that rabbits can work in an intertube entertainment medium. Check it out:





I say rabbits are an underused medium for LoLs. I am sure that you clever folks out there in the intertubes can provide the goods. I mean, I'd do it myself, but I lack Photoshopping capabilities *hint* and am probably not as creative caption wise as others *hint*.

So I have a topic that's just as important maybe more so then the topic that I tackled in my last blog. This one is dear to my heart. It's about Nintendo.

Now for those of you that know me, understand how much I fucking love Nintendo. I grew up with it, some of my fondest childhood memories are from their classic games and characters.
I even have the fucking triforce tattooed to my shoulder. Suffice to say, Zelda is my shit.

Even though I am a devoted fan boy and am enjoying the Wii's new found prosperity, I do have a few gripes. I understand that Nintendo refocused on making an innovative new system with motion controls but not enough third party developers are making good games. So far with games like "Manhunt 2" (I could have shit a better game into a code compiler) are found wanting. The game is akward to control and just not very fun compared to the first game. I understand that the cut scenes and gore needed to be toned down, but the graphics were straight up shitty. Oh the game got good reviews for the PS2 (yes I said 2) and the PSP, but these are supposed to be systems with a lesser graphics capability. Nintendo, you can do better.
"No More Heroes" is a step in the right direction. The graphics are a little better (though not wear I would like them) and the story and gameplay is unique. Some of the controls are a bit akward, particularly driving but overall I'd say that the game is the first non classic Nintendo franchised game that's hit a nerve on the Wii.

Nintendo and me go way back, and I quote Dido when I say, "I will go down with this ship, I'm in love." Nintendo has a long history of doing things different which is fine but it makes it tough to make games for them. It would be nice if the system did 1280 p resolution or if they would start using regular controls for some of the games. I own both an X-Box 360, and a Wii and I like both. The 360 has a wider selection of good games and the fact of the matter is that if a cross platform game comes out I'm most likely going to go with the copy for the 360. The graphics will be better and the controls smoother.

The 360 is the first system outside of Nintendo that I have owned since the Sega Genesis. The first three Nintendo systems were flawless, BUT when the first Playstation came out it was developing games like crazy and outselling the still fantastic Nintendo 64. 64 was great, and the graphics were the best at the time but the fact of the matter is that it was so much easier to develop a game and put it on a cd rather then a cartridge. Gamecube suffered from almost the same problem, with its proprietary mini-discs. I loved the Gamecube but not enough developers hopped on board and again it slid to the back of the pack especially with the at the time new original X-box in the picture.

Even though sales are up now (and now would be a good time to buy Nintendo stock) and I dont foresee a slow down in revenue for Nintendo, especially since the number 1 system in the world is currently the Nintendo DS, it would be nice if they would just sometimes come back inside the box if only to focus in on those of us who have stuck with them since the beginning. Remember back in the day when Square made games for the Super Nintendo, that's around what I recall as the Golden age of gaming, from the first Nintendo, Super Nintendo and Sega, through the rise of the 64.

I loved PS2, and I love my X-Box 360. The game selection amongst these two systems are beyond compare. Fuck the PS3. Fuck it right in its big Sonyfied ass. You have to donate a body part to buy it, and if you want the cheaper one, you lose the backwards compatability. The only reason I would ever want one is to play the up and coming Metal Gear game which will be spectacular. Don't get me wrong, the system would be tight if you didn't have to be Scrooge McDuck to own one.

You make um Nintendo, and I'll buy um. Don't worry about that. Just remember that I'm a big boy now and need to play big boy games sometimes rather then things that only small children and Asian people enjoy.


I'll keep everyone informed on the hot games that do arrive on my buy list and be utterly ruthless with my opinions of them. If it is a bad game that I was hoping to be good then it will be crucified.


Here's a little something I made for you all to contemplate:

I've been trying to figure out whether I should put up an entry about the books I'm reading, or if it should be about recent movies I've watched, or maybe music I've listened to. I didn't know whether I should make it about games I've played or maybe some shoes I ran across on a website. So I decided to combine it all together in what may or may not be a series of posts called "Sh*t I Like." That makes things a lot easier.



Yeah, I'm into shit like this. It's interesting to read about the beginnings of one of our time's more prevalent religions, and how it inspired people. Whether it's true or false, it's still dope. It's basically a book full of questions people might ask, including the one on the cover (of course). I really like it because it asks questions you wouldn't think would be in the book, but you know people would undoubtedly ask: "These scrolls are ancient, right? So how much could I get for them?" Yeah. That's right. Hotness.



It's all about the kicks, baby. We're ready for change! So ready for change that we gon' pimp some shoes out for change! YAYUHHH!! Let's not forget the music video, too.



The Wire. AKA The Greatest Show On Television. Don't argue with me. 1) It's on HBO. 2) It's a plot-driven show with an actual plot (a detailed one at that) based on a real city with real people and real personalities. Did I mention it's real? The majority of the characters and events on this show are based on firsthand accounts of things that actually have happened in Bodymore, Murderland (shout to James Joe - D.C. is close enough). 3) There's a writer's strike going on. Its competition is American Gladiators and Terminator - The Sarah Conner Chronicles. Let's not argue about this any longer. The season is coming to a close, as is the series. Once I get my shit together, I'll be grabbing up season 4, since I already have Seasons 1, 2 & 3 (though I have to re-purchase 1 AND 2, since grubby little hands in the Vo decided to steal discs from both). Once I do that, perhaps we can discuss a beginning-to-end review of a really great show.


Hot Song Right Now Because I Said So:


That's all for now, bitches. Stay tuned.

Am I saying forget? Hell no, that is part of your history and you are stronger for it. I'm not even saying forgive, I'm just saying that a lot of us had nothing to do with it and want nothing to do with racism nowadays. This is what the basis of my issue is. Assuming that I am racist because of my skin color or joke (which you yourself are "allowed" to make towards me) is racist. We will all one day be just one light brown color.

SO GIVE IT A REST AND DON'T FUCKING BUY ME ANYTHING ELSE FROM HOT TOPIC!!!

For those that read this, yes it is a rant. It's a bit risque, "but that's why I say, fuck it"(Charlie Murphy). This can be construed many ways. Don't react with anger just see it from different eyes. Yes I do expect a comment from both Shifto and Skrybe claiming me to be racist after this. Bastards :-)

There was a Chris Rock comedy routine where Rock claims that all he knows about black history is Martin Luther King. So he claims that whenever he's asked a question about black history he would reply "Martin Luther King." This even goes so far as to when he is asked who the woman is that refused to give up her seat on the bus he would say, "MartinA Luther King." It is my opinion that this brings up a real problem with the so-called "Black History Month."

If we are expected to celebrate something as rich as Black History then don't just shove one guy down my throat. There came a point that King was thrown at me so much that I just started ignoring anything more that I heard about him. At this point I feel I know only the bare essentials about King which include the following:

• He's black
• He was a minister
• He had a dream
• He cheated on his wife
• He's OVER RATED

I'm sure those that don't know me will stop reading there and immediately accuse me of being a racist; however, I sardonically snub my nose at those readers and offer the following statement, "I can't be racist because I'm not white." Now that we got that out of the way we may continue.

How many people, black or otherwise, find themselves in the same position as Chris Rock. That is, only being able to recall the name of King when it comes to anything Black American. There is more to Black America than King. Furthermore, there were many who I feel are more intelligent and more influential than King. However, that is sort of outside of the point I'm trying to make here.

The point is that regardless of King's accomplishments that the month of February, Black History Month, has become about as watered down as Christmas. The focus has been lost. Instead of a month to reflect on the accomplishments of Black Americans we have boiled it down to one topic. Martin Luther King. Every single time this month comes about I always hear every single politician quoting something King said. Each February of my life I have seen teachers posting pictures of King in the hallway or in recent days kids posting his image on their website. The second month of the year is much like the last month. "HO HO HO" is replaced with "I have a dream" and an old white guy replaced with a middle aged black guy.

What's the point? King already has a day in January and we're giving him the entirety of February, too? If we're going to have this Black History Month continue, then I propose the emphasis on King be removed and let's concentrate on people that actually mattered liked Frederick Douglass or W. E. B. Dubois. Why limit it to individuals? Why not go with broad topics like freemen as a whole or black activists groups like the NAACP as a whole.

Otherwise, let's just call it what it is. Martin Luther King Month.

And that means ... well, just about nothing these days. I don't know anyone who's shown even an inkling of interest in the topic. No one's even brought it up (including me; well, until this post). Why doesn't anyone want to celebrate the African-American experience? Well ... I blame Soulja Boy, of course.

But no worries. BET still holding us down. Of course you may never guess that, in between episodes of Hell Date and American Gangster ...

As usual, I'm feeling how HBO is holding it down. Joe Louis, baby. Represent.

Of course McDonald's celebrates Black History year-round. And I celebrate McDonald's. Because I loooove the fatties.

Lastly, check out the alternate view on things. Perhaps it was never meant to last. I guess there's already too much history to learn about ....

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Now playing: Muhsinah - only and always
via FoxyTunes

Big Z, I'm in your corner.
I know that you are a man of integrity and in fact, you do have a daughter.

My friend Skrybe. Though your evidence is strong I propose to you a different theory, and if you'll sit back and take a gander at this thought provoking tale, I'm sure you'll agree.
Have you ever seen the movie Stargate? Well readers, if you have you will understand right away. The premise of the movie is that ancient Egyptian civilization and perhaps mankind itself was brought to the planet in order to serve Rah the Sun God who just happens to actually be an immortal alien taking the form of a human being.
Well to get to the point. In the movie there was another planet with humans doing the Sun Gods bidding once again. Using this knowledge and that of the TV series spin-off of the movie we know that there are probably humans on many other planets too.
Big Z, did you not say that you were practicing the religion of the ancient Eygptians? The Egyptian book of the dead being the text of choice. The deighty which you gave praise to mainly being the Sun God Rah?
Stargate was a hell of a movie. Perhaps a little too good. I believe that no writer could have made the concept on their own. The plot is just too feasable. Burton wasnt born. He was created. By Rah. He came through a star gate.
Unfortunatley Burton's daughter got stuck within the gate and is perpetually flying at lightspeed through the time space continuum. Using the theory of relativity and certain other equations from physics I can prove thus that she has in fact remained the same age for several years and in fact will continue to remain the same age until long after we are all dust.
Big Z is a fantastic musician. I even heard one of his platinum CDs back from his planet. Unfortunatley I lost the Cd though and I dont really feel like looking for it so sorry you're just going to have to take my word for it. Burton can play all instruments.....except Earth instruments. When he was placed in front of an Earth piano, he froze up. The piano keys where he is from are in an entirely different order you fools. It would be like trying to make music with a toaster oven to us comparitively. You primitive minds cannot grasp the knowledge which flows through his head. Look at the size of it. HE has seen, HE has seen all. He has stood at the foot of Rah. I tell you Burton is not a liar. He is just misunderstood. His advanced ways are far beyond our comprehension.... though I can see where we could construe that as big fat fucking lies.

Burton doesn't have a daughter.

It's true. He made the whole thing up. She doesn't exist now, she's never existed. She's a figment of his overactive imagination, created as yet another lie to embellish his already over embellished lifestyle. Big Z doesn't have what would now be a 16-year old daughter; he didn't have a 14-year old daughter 2 years ago. She isn't an amazing singer, he hasn't taught her how to cook anything, and she didn't get kicked out of 6th grade music class for playing Chopin backwards.

How do I know? BECAUSE I CALLED HIS GRANDMOTHER. And she had no idea what daughter it was I was talking about. I played it off as if it were a joke. She didn't seem to upset by my call. I'm a pretty nice guy when I'm not being evil and sadistic. So anyway, I just wanted to go ahead and make this very clear. On a side note, Burton is also a pathological liar - in case you hadn't picked up on that yet. He's not a chef; he's never taught at any school ever (grade, middle or high school); he's never boxed a day in his life. He never won Golden Gloves in any city of any state in America (or internationally, if that question arises). He doesn't have the class ring from the college he never attended. He doesn't make music. He doesn't know anyone who makes music. He's not "deep into the music scene" in Richmond, Virginia. He can't play the piano, forwards or backwards. He was called out on it while we were in the Vo and he couldn't deliver. He sat right behind that keyboard and didn't play one note. Why? Because Burton is a liar. He makes it up so people will think he's got a lot going for him in life.

So here's the real story. Big Z is a 29-year old Army Specialist (yes, that's right, I refuse to acknowledge the undeserved promotion) who lives with his grandmother. Sometimes he stays at his pop's place to switch things up. He does not have a car or a license, which would be fine if he lived in New York or Chicago. Unfortunately he lives in Richmond, Virginia, with no train or rail access. That means utilizing a car to get around is a necessity for having a life after age 16. He's an extremely bad speller, which I'm sure many people already know after reading an email from him or just by visiting his Myspace. He's also very childish in his behavior, getting upset very easily and throwing temper tantrums regularly. He doesn't truly retain information, because when questioned on the duties of any particular part of his military MOS (of which he's been for the last 10 years in the Army), his answers are limited and incomplete on all subjects. Burton only really and truly knows one thing - lying. The sad and ironic truth of it is, he's not really good at that either. His lies are not well-spoken, and though he is not lacking in conviction, the outrageousness of his material is what enables us to understand that what he's speaking just COULD NOT be truth. Nobody was letting Burton drive a mail truck in Iraq. The truck drivers from Iraq that remembered him pointed out that he was making that up. No school in America would accept a teacher - or for that matter, a teacher's assistant - that couldn't handle basic spelling and math.

More importantly - because it's one thing to lie on yourself, but it's another to lie on other people - Burton never had sex with another individual (who shall remain nameless) from the Vo. Everything he said about her was a lie. She confirmed it, and her alibi (aka the guy she WAS with that night) also confirmed it. Yes, Burton took a shot with her on one of our trips. No, Burton didn't go back to the room with her at any point. Perhaps he mistook her for his gay friend who knows karate and will kick your ass. Well actually, I don't think Burton had sex with him either. But I never got confirmation either way on that one. The bottom line is, at some point in his life perhaps Burton did have sex with a woman. That didn't happen in the Vo. I know because I wasn't having sex with anyone, and I was in my room nearly every night. Burton was there too. Normally with his gay friend who knows karate and will kick your ass.

So if you happen to see Burton, don't worry about engaging him in a long discussion about ... well, anything. Just walk up to him and say "You don't have a daughter." That should take care of everything.

P.S. - Before we flew out to the Vo, I talked to Burton's "girlfriend" on the phone. She had no idea that they were even in a relationship. Things that make you go hmmm ...